Every now and again, I feel like a different person. Mopey. Slow. Pessimistic. Irritable. Annoying. Disgusted with myself, I hide from the world until I can rearrange my thoughts and re-work myself to be my self again. Then I think about the phrase every now and again, channel my inner Ben Bailey and laugh my ass off as I shake loose the skin of darkness and once again embrace the bright self that I like to be best.
See, over the years I have figured out that I easily cave to negativity. Of any kind, depth or face. This really is not a huge secret as my family likes to tease me for being so adverse to conflict, hateful gossip and general awkwardness {i.e. negative in my mind’s eye}, but every now and again it washed over me and I instantly feel like I’m being dragged into some dark, other-worldly undertow; unable to breath, powerless to grasp any realm of positive stability, choking on my own set backs and mistakes. I feel ugly and unclean. The whole experience of negativity leads me to be lazy, tired and thoroughly unmotivated. I despise myself and have found that it is increasingly difficult to run away from your own person.
Seriously.
Therefore, this month I am challenging myself to do better, in every sense of the word. Be kinder. More thoughtful. Discontinue/limit things that make me feel inadequate {Facebook. Social networking. Stalking other photographers. Internet. Honestly!} and be more intent about things that make me feel good {love, cooking, running, friends and family, crafting, reading, for starters}. Grasp onto the inner light of exhilarating contentment and swing it around for all its worth. Be happier. Be more of my self.
Long. Live. Love.
